Conversations that keep ending in the same place.
We can look at criticism, defensiveness, withdrawal, and what gets left unsaid. Taking a useful pause is different from abandoning a concern indefinitely.
Both partners · Honest conversation · Connection
Marriage & Couples Counseling in St. Louis
Make room for honesty, affection, and enjoying each other again.
You may be good at keeping a household running while feeling far apart as a couple. Conversations become schedules, requests, and disagreements neither of you wants to have again. Perhaps you still want the relationship, but you’re tired of trying to explain what hurts.
$450 for 50 minutes · $600 for 90 minutesBoth partners together · Private pay · Ballwin or Missouri telehealth
Sessions with both partners together. You do not need to share a religious belief to work with me.
Understanding the interaction
We need more than a verdict about who is the problem.
I’ll want to understand a recent conversation: what each of you said, what you thought the other person meant, and what happened next. One person may be asking for connection while the other hears criticism. A defensive explanation can then sound like proof that the concern does not matter.
That is one possible pattern, not an explanation to impose on your marriage. Sometimes a reasonable request really is being dismissed. Sometimes expectations were never discussed. Understanding both perspectives does not mean assuming that both people are equally responsible for what happened.
In sessions with both partners, we can slow the interaction down enough to examine it. What was said? What was heard? What still needs an answer? Those differences often give us a more useful place to begin than another argument about who cares more.
What we can work on
The relationship needs more than an efficient household.
Responsibility and follow-through.
Who carries what? What was agreed, and what simply became normal? A clearer request can help, but each person remains responsible for listening and following through.
Forgiveness and rebuilding trust.
An apology, a decision to forgive, and confidence that something will change are different questions. We can discuss what repair would need to look like in your actual week.
Affection, friendship, and time together.
You may know each other’s schedules while knowing less about what interests or delights your partner now. Reconnection can include learning to enjoy time that is not another meeting about the relationship.
Changes you can recognize
What would be different after the conversation?
It might be raising an issue before resentment fills the room. It might be returning after a break, making an agreement specific enough to keep, or hearing a disappointment without treating it as a judgment of your entire character.
We can also ask what the work is for. More warmth? A weekend you both enjoy? Feeling that you are building the same life? Those desires matter alongside resolving disagreements.
Counseling cannot guarantee reconciliation or make either person participate. The consultation gives us a place to discuss what brings you here and whether this is an appropriate setting for the work.
Christian faith can be included when you both want it. If that is central to what you are seeking, read about Christian marriage counseling.
For more of how I think about these concerns, read when keeping the peace leaves you alone in your marriage or thinking about divorce while still wanting your marriage.
This practice works with relationship conflict and disconnection, not current abusive relationships, coercive control, or violence. Those situations require specialist support outside my scope.
Meeting with Brian
A conversation is the next step.
Meet at the Ballwin office, 625 N Meramec Station Rd, or by telehealth while in Missouri. The consultation gives us a chance to discuss what brings you here, answer questions, and consider whether working together makes sense.
These are sessions with both partners together. I do not accept or bill insurance.
Couples counseling sessions
If you’re open to these rates, you’re welcome to schedule a 20-minute consultation.
Request a consultation