We use personality assessments, explore your communication styles, and work through practical exercises tailored to the two of you. Together, we put that understanding into practice as you build a rewarding marriage and a shared mission with Jesus at the center.
Start with what matters to you
What would you love to experience in your marriage?
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A place to begin
You don’t need all the answers to know you want something different.
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What did you mean, and what did your spouse hear? I want to understand both. We can slow down a recent conversation, notice the assumptions each of you made, and work on being direct without being dismissive. The goal is to be honest and still care about the person in front of you.
A question to considerWhat do you wish your spouse understood when you bring up something difficult?
Frequency matters, and so does whether you both enjoy the experience. I’d want to understand desire, affection, what helps each of you feel wanted, and what gets in the way. That takes an honest conversation in which neither person has to pretend or feel pressured to give the right answer.
A question to considerWhat would make sex more enjoyable and connecting for each of you?
What makes the two of you laugh? What do you enjoy doing together when nothing needs to get accomplished? Playfulness can feel surprisingly vulnerable when you’re unsure how the other person will respond. We can explore what you each enjoy and how to make room for it in the life you actually have.
A question to considerWhen was the last time you had fun together, and what made it possible?
Getting out together matters. But if dinner becomes another meeting about schedules, work, and the kids, you can come home without feeling any closer. We can look at what helps you enjoy each other, what gets in the way of making plans, and how you both take responsibility for that time.
A question to considerWhat would you enjoy doing together if the evening didn’t have to be productive?
There is the work everyone sees, and then there is the remembering, planning, and noticing. I’d want to understand what each of you carries, what you assumed the other would handle, and whether those expectations have ever been discussed. From there, we can work toward clear agreements and following through on them.
A question to considerWhich responsibility takes more out of you than your spouse may realize?
Getting on the same page starts with more than agreeing on rules. What do you each hope your children experience with you? What do you genuinely enjoy about them? We can examine the expectations you brought from your own upbringing and work on warmth, limits, and repairing the moments you wish you had handled differently.
A question to considerWhat do you want your children to remember about being with you?
You may know each other’s schedules and preferences but still have things you rarely say out loud. Hopes, disappointments, fears, and what matters to you now all deserve room. I’d want to understand what happens when one of you shares something personal, and what helps you listen with curiosity rather than immediately explain or fix it.
A question to considerWhat would you like your spouse to understand about you that rarely comes up?
What helps you feel that your spouse is glad to be with you? It might be affection, interest in your day, making time, or following through on something important to you. I’d want to understand how each of you expresses love, where you miss each other, and what you both long to experience more often.
A question to considerWhen do you feel most loved by your spouse? Do they know that?
There may be something you want to change that isn’t named here, or you may still be finding words for it. You can bring that to a consultation. I’ll want to hear what you’re hoping for and ask questions before deciding whether my approach is a good fit.
A question to considerIf counseling were helpful, what would you notice being different in your life together?
We can talk about what you’re hoping for.
Request a consultationBecome the man and woman God has called you to be—and the team he’s called you to be together.
How I work with couplesHow I work with couples
My approach is inspired by the Gottman Method and Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). I draw on their attention to friendship, repair, emotional connection, and the patterns couples get caught in. I also use methods I’ve developed in my own practice to help people understand a difficult interaction and work out what needs to happen differently.
I bring ten years of researching and practicing marriage and relationship dynamics, alongside seven years of my own marriage. I’ve had to ask for forgiveness, hear where I missed something, and learn how to respond differently. Those experiences inform my work, but I still need to understand your story rather than assume it looks like mine.
That might mean slowing down a recent disagreement: what happened, what each of you thought it meant, and what you did next. We can work on saying something more clearly, questioning an assumption, or following through on an agreement. I want the work to become useful in your actual life together.
Faith and psychology together
I believe Jesus made the people psychology studies. Your emotions, memories, expectations, and ways of relating are not distractions from a faithful marriage. They are part of the life you are trying to bring honestly to him.
We can talk about Scripture, prayer, forgiveness, service, and what you believe God asks of you. We also need to understand what happens on an ordinary Tuesday when someone feels criticized, an agreement is forgotten, or another evening passes without connection.
I’ll ask about a recent interaction rather than decide in advance that one person needs to be more loving or the other more respectful. What was asked? What was heard? What did each of you do next? Sometimes the way a concern is expressed makes it harder to hear. Sometimes a reasonable concern really is being ignored.
Those are different situations. Your Christian commitments can help give the work direction without replacing the need to understand what is actually happening.
Growing together
You and your spouse may manage a household well and still long for more laughter, affection, and time to enjoy each other. I want to understand what those things look like for each of you. Even when you want the same thing, you may have very different ideas about how to get there.
If you want more affection, we can talk about what feels welcome to each of you and what makes it difficult to initiate. If you miss having fun, we can explore what you enjoy now. Your interests may have changed since you first met, and there may be things you would love to try together.
I want our work to help you see possibilities in your marriage and begin acting on them. That might mean feeling more comfortable speaking your mind, looking forward to time alone together, or noticing and enjoying qualities in your spouse you had stopped seeing.
Brian Bachman, MA, LPC, earned graduate degrees in counseling and theological studies from Covenant Theological Seminary. Learn more about Brian, or read shared responsibility and an honest voice in Christian marriage.
Looking for a different format? Individual Christian counseling is for one person’s concerns, including their own experience within a marriage. General couples counseling does not assume shared Christian beliefs.
This practice does not work with current abusive relationships, coercive control, or violence. Those situations need specialist support. Counseling cannot guarantee reconciliation or substitute for either spouse’s willingness to participate.
Meeting with Brian
Meet at the Ballwin office, 625 N Meramec Station Rd, or by telehealth while in Missouri. The consultation gives us a chance to discuss what brings you here, answer questions, and consider whether working together makes sense.
These are sessions with both partners together. I do not accept or bill insurance.
